Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Where Is Mine?!

At midnight the final blow of get out of the military struck me.  I no longer am a ID card holder.  When Jason was kicked out we were giving transitional ID cards for two years.  I guess in that two year time I was suppose to transition into someone I have not been for most of my life.  I feel like this is that final kick in the teeth for me.  My brain has been screaming off and on since it happened "I am not the one that failed!".  I did my job!  I have been a supportive Air Force spouse to two men.  I sat before a commander being told that if the military wanted him to have a family he would be issued one,  been looked down at for being a dependent.  "Oh your a wife" I have been told with a air of being nothing important and a waste.  I have moved and moved and moved.  I have birthed three children in the military and raised all four of them to respect this country and our symbols and our traditions.  Since they could stand they knew to stop and put their hand over their heart when the National Anthem comes on.  I have ironed uniform after uniform and sewed patch and striped onto uniforms.  I dressed appropriately as not to embarrass my husband or the military.  I sent both of my men to war and in fact am a war bride to one.  I waited and waited and waited for phone calls and letters and emails.  I was never first or even second.  I volunteered!  Team Mom, Room Mom, Sunday School Teacher, Chairperson to this committee and that, Cub Scout leader, Youth Bowling leagues.  And only once did I have to call a shirt to ask for my husband home when I was hospitalized after the doctor threatened to send the SP's to pick me up, oh and that did not sit well with my husband.  I tried to handle each avenue of military life with dignity and grace.  I have baked and sent care packages all over this world so my husband and his freinds knew they were loved and appreciated.  Don't get me wrong I am no angel or even a martyr.  I have throw my share of fits and threatened to go to the commander when my husband was told it was in the best interest of another Airmen for him to deploy.  But then I put on my big girl pants and started packing his bags.

When a man retires finally the spouse is recognized.  I have proudly sat and watched freind after freind finally get her certificate of thanks and heard words to express her sacrifice.  Where is mine?!  Did I not do what I was suppose to do?  Korea?  Deployments?  Military stress on the family?  Living pay check to pay check?  Eating Ramen so my child could have the last hot dog in the fridge?  Where did I fail?